Has Infidelity Shaken The Foundation Of Your Relationship?
Have you recently found out that your partner is having an affair? Do you feel alone, angry or unable to talk with your partner or friends about the infidelity? Perhaps you’re desperate for repair and wish to stay in the relationship, but feel ashamed or embarrassed for wanting to do so. Or, maybe you’re the one who cheated, and although you’ve apologized a million times, you cannot regain the trust and affection of your partner. Has your intimacy and connection been broken, causing you both to live parallel, unsatisfying lives? Do both you and your partner have a desire to heal from the infidelity, but don’t know how to mend the wound? Do you want to believe that affair recovery is possible and that you and your partner can process this painful experience together?
Struggling with the after-effects of an affair can be a heart wrenching, isolating and confusing experience. Infidelities cause a rupture in connection and trust, which can be challenging to mend. Feelings of bitterness, anger, regret, guilt and shame often arise, leaving one or both partners feeling either panicked or isolated. For many couples who stay together following an affair, the infidelity becomes the pink elephant in the room that everyone can see and feel but that no one is willing or able to discuss. As unspoken tension increases, more and more needs may go unmet. And, while you may want to speak openly with your partner about your feelings, the gap between you only grows bigger.
The Majority Of Couples Experience Infidelity
If you and your partner are struggling to work through the after-effects of an infidelity, you are not alone. Infidelities affect the majority of couples, with studies suggesting that 60 percent of men and 45 percent of women cheat at some point during a committed relationship.
There are many reasons that people choose to cheat. Broadly, as a culture, the majority of us do not talk about sex and intimacy in our relationships. We don’t talk with our partners about how to avoid affairs, nor do most of us express that we are considering trying to get our emotional or sexual needs met outside of our relationship. Instead, many of us further disconnect from our partners, and without communicating, turn to someone outside of the relationship to fill the void. Often, the cheating partner will feel lonely, and the non-cheating partner likely feels lonely as well. Affairs are often symptomatic of larger, complex problems occurring within the relationship. Arguments increase and are not resolved. Feelings and needs go unexpressed. Resentments grow. Sometimes, we stop feeling safe in our relationship and act rather than think.
While some couples can navigate the after-effects of an affair on their own, most (and really all) couples trying to work through an infidelity could benefit from with the support and guidance of an experienced couples therapist. If you and your partner are cycling through the same conversations without resolution and experiencing feelings of insecurity, hurt and bitterness, affair recovery counseling can help you tease apart the experience and rebuild trust and connection.
Repair And Reconnect With Affair Recovery Counseling
The good news is that you’re not alone, and there is so much hope for affair recovery. If you and your partner are both committed to the process, you can repair your relationship, rebuild trust and rediscover your love and connection
In supportive and compassionate affair recovery sessions, I can help you peel back the layers of the affair and rebuild the foundation of safety and security in your relationship. In sessions, there will be no judgment or blame. Rather, I will help guide both you and your partner toward expressing yourselves and your experience with openness, compassion and honesty.
Affair Recovery is a three-part process. In initial sessions, we will work toward developing effective communication skills. As you begin to communicate clearly, you can better understand each other’s authentic feelings and start to feel safer with each other. Once communication has improved, we’ll dissect the affair and what caused it. You’ll both have an opportunity to speak and listen, and I will help keep you focused and hold space for safety during this often difficult, yet healing process. Finally, I can help you and your partner decide how to move forward. I’ll guide you in the process of redefining your relationship and your commitment to each other. From a space of love, awareness and integrity, you can view the infidelity as a wake-up call, get really honest with each other and vow to turn toward rather than away from each other moving forward.
With guidance, support and a willingness to engage openly in affair recovery counseling, it is possible to reconnect and heal. You can develop transparency in your relationship and use this experience to grow as individuals and as a couple. I’ve helped countless couples recover from infidelity. With a commitment to honesty, you and your partner can not only push past this difficult time, but also come out much stronger and reconnected on the other side.
You still may have questions or concerns about affair recovery counseling…
There have been multiple affairs. At this point, is recovery even possible?
The partner who has cheated may need individual therapy in tandem with affair recovery counseling to identify, explore and address the underlying issues that are contributing to the affairs. He or she may also need a safe place to work through feelings of shame and remorse. That said, if both you and your partner are committed to the therapy process, regardless of the number of affairs, there is hope and potential for recovery.
I’m the one who cheated. I’m worried that I’ll be blamed and judged for my actions.
My job is not to judge or cast blame. I will treat your relationship as the client and help you and your partner resolve the problems inherent in it. I am trained in neutrality. And, after more than a decade of working with couples on affair recovery, I firmly believe that there is no “bad guy.”
We tried counseling in the past and it didn’t work. How will therapy with you be any different?
I can’t say with certainty that it will be different. What I can say, however, is that I’d be interested in learning what didn’t work for you last time, about how therapy made you think and feel and why you quit. I’ll do my best to ensure that we don’t repeat past mistakes and that we engage with the affair recovery process thoughtfully, collectively and honestly.
You Can Rebuild The Foundation Of Your Relationship
You don’t have to navigate this challenging time on your own. I invite you to call me for a free 15-minute phone consultation to discuss your specific counseling needs and to answer any questions you have about affair recovery and my practice.